Good Morning everyone! Sorry I missed yesterday, I was sort of busy and frankly, didn’t really know what to write about.
We had church in the morning and then baking a cake for my daughter’s birthday party and of course the Buccaneer’s game. Yes, I only watched the 1st half and they were great then, so glad we had to leave so I didn’t have to watch them fall apart again. I love them but, they break my heart every year.
We had my daughter’s 5th birthday party last night at Chuck e Cheese. It was great, she had a blast and I hope her friends did too.
So, friend party, check, Family party Tuesday before we all take off to different activities(her real birthday) and Thursday morning off to Disney World for her big trip for her 5th birthday from my parents.
Which leads me into todays blog: Fear.
Fear of what, the unknown, the traumatic, the unavoidable, the things you can’t control, where does my fear lie? Pretty much in all of it. I know that fear is of the fallen world and not of God’s world. I know it is Satan that puts those thoughts and fears into me. I know I am fallen. It is so hard to fight the fear.
I have a pretty big doomsday view of flying. I have known many pilots and flight attendants over the years that have tried to ease my fears, some have helped although, I always listen for those 3 dings and when it gets to 2, I just KNOW I am going to hear that 3rd one. I haven’t ever heard it…yet. See, there is the fear. I pray I never hear that 3rd ding.
I was pretty OK with flying again and was actually starting to forget my fears for a while since I had traveled for a living and was really getting used to it all. Then, what happens, September 11, 2001. That day put me back worse than I had ever been about flying. Now, it wasn’t the machine that was going to hurt me, it was the people on the machine. I would be trapped with horrible mean people, what would they do to me?
Oh, the scenarios have all gone through my head of what these evil people that Satan sent would do to me, to my family. That our last moments would be filled with an insane amount of fear and pain. Now, when I fly, I look around at the people, praying the God will give me the wisdom I need to back out of that one trip or one plane that is filled with bad people to do bad things.
I used to just pray for the ding of the seat belt sign to relax as I have been told many times over the years, airplanes don’t just fall from the sky. Now, I have this insane fear that once the seat belt sign goes off, chaos will irrupt. So, I sit there, I pray, I watch, I pray, I tense up, I wonder, I FEAR.
I am not praying to the Lord because I love him or because I want to be more like him, I am praying with him just to make sure I am covered just in case something happens. FEAR.
I don’t relax and know that all is well in the house of the Lord and if the Lord is in my heart, all is well. If I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, all is well. I don’t give my fears to the Lord. I fall, in the fallen world. I let the sins of this world get to me. I don’t put my faith in Jesus. FEAR.
I actually question my beliefs, I start to question heaven, I start to question GOD! FEAR.
I do all of these things while hiding my true emotions from my family, my children, and others. After I let those horrible people put more fear in me, I now fear both the plane and the people. I am letting Satan win. I am letting those horrible people win. I am letting the fallen world win. FEAR.
I let me fears of the unknown hit me, I let my fears of happiness interfere with my life, I let my doomsday belief that I was never meant to be happy come to my head. I start to believe all of the fears my mother instilled into me, I FEAR.
I fear I will not see my children grow up, I fear my husband will fall apart without me, I fear my 2 children I am leaving behind will forever be horrifically scarred by losing me and their younger siblings, I fear some other woman will raise my children and she will love them more than me. I fear she will be nicer, better than me. I fear no one will really miss me. FEAR.
Why do I let fear consume my life? Why do I not just let go and let God? Why do I let Satan into my life?
As I get ready to travel on Thursday morning to Disney World, I ask that all of you pray for me and my 2 younger ones. Not only that we will be safe but, also that I will not let Satan and this fallen world get the best of me. That I will push my fears aside and look at that airplane ride from the eyes of a child. That I will think of them, not myself. That no matter what, I will believe in the Lord with all my heart and all my mind. That I will not claw the armrests with each bump. That I will not judge people by their looks or actions. That I will not think bad thoughts. That I will not ruin this wonderful and magical experience for my girls. That I will not let FEAR win. I will not be fearful. I will be joyful in all that I do.
That I will not dread this trip but, will rejoice in the fact that I am blessed to even be able to do this trip.
Now, I ask you, where is your fear? What do you have in your life that you need to give up to the Lord? What do you have that you need to let go of? Where is Satan pouring his hate into your life? Where is your fear? What will you do to stop your own fear?
I don’t have any answers only that God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good.
Oh….leaving Thursday on a trip, probably no computer access so, I WILL be back late Sunday night or Monday with hopefully some fun/funny stories.